Understanding Your Nervous System: 101
Why You React the Way You Do: A Trauma-Informed Look at the Nervous System (Using Polyvagal Theory)
Have you ever felt overwhelmed for what felt like “no reason,” gone numb in the middle of a conversation, or suddenly lashed out when you didn’t mean to? If so, you’re not alone—and, more importantly, you’re not broken.
Many of these responses are your nervous system’s way of trying to protect you. Hard to believe, right? Once we understand what’s happening underneath the surface, we can begin to meet ourselves with more compassion and care.
Using a framework called Polyvagal Theory, we can gently explore how your body responds to safety, stress, and past experiences—especially if you’ve been through trauma.
Let’s Start with the Basics: What is Polyvagal Theory?
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, helps us understand how the autonomic nervous system (the part of our body that runs in the background) responds to cues of safety or threat—even when we’re not consciously aware of them.
This system is constantly scanning the environment through a process called neuroception, asking, “Am I safe?”
When it senses safety, we feel regulated and connected. When it senses danger (real or perceived), our system automatically shifts into a protective state. This is not a flaw—it’s a brilliant survival response developed to keep you alive.
The Three States of the Nervous System (There is No Wrong One)
Even though being outside of your window of tolerance can feel uncomfortable, there is no “right” or “wrong” state to be in (and we don’t want to shame ourselves for these experiences). Rather than judging or trying to “fix” these states, Polyvagal Theory invites us to understand and honour them. Each state exists for a reason—and with the right support, we can begin to gently move between them.
Ventral Vagal – The “Safe and Connected” State
This is the state where we feel calm, grounded, and open to connection. It’s where healing, learning, and meaningful relationships happen. This is often referred to as our “window of tolerance.”
In this state, you may feel:
Clear-headed and present
Emotionally regulated
Able to set boundaries or ask for help
This is your “anchor” state—but it’s okay if you don’t feel it all the time.
It’s important to note that the goal isn’t to be in our window of tolerance all the time. Although it sounds incredibly enticing, that’s just not realistic, nor is it the way our bodies are designed to work and respond to life around us. The truth is, if that was the goal, we wouldn’t survive.
Regulation means, I am able to leave my window of tolerance, because my nervous system has detected a threat and is responding accordingly, but I am also able to return to my window of tolerance by nourishing and soothing myself back into feeling safe again.
Sympathetic – The “Fight or Flight” State
This state activates when the body senses danger. Your heart may race, your breath quickens, and your mind becomes alert.
You might feel:
Anxious, restless, or panicked
Angry, irritable, or overwhelmed
Like something bad is about to happen—even if nothing seems “wrong”
For many trauma survivors, this state becomes familiar. Your system learned to stay alert to stay safe, and it doesn’t know that there is safety in stillness. For some of us, after prolonged exposure to fight/flight, our nervous system begins to think that this is the new baseline, and returning to the window of tolerance feels unsafe in a way. Your body believes, “if I let them rest/slow down/be still, they will be exposed and something bad could happen.”
Dorsal Vagal – The “Shutdown” State
When fight or flight feels impossible, unsafe, or overworked from the prolonged exposure mentioned above, your system may default to shutting down. This is your body’s way of conserving energy and avoiding emotional pain and overwhelm.
You might feel:
Numb, disconnected, or frozen
Like you’re on autopilot, going through the motions
Tired, foggy, or “checked out”
This state can feel scary or frustrating—but it’s also a response rooted in survival. For some people, this can feel and be understood as disconnection. But truly, it is the ultimate layer of protection. It is your brain and body’s way of saying “hey, this thing feels very overwhelming and we’re not ready to feel this pain yet,” or, “you’ve been in pain for a long time, I’m going to give you a bit of a break so it doesn’t hurt so much.”
Trauma, the Body, and Survival Wisdom
Trauma isn’t just what happened—it’s how your body responded when it didn’t feel safe or supported. Your nervous system learned to protect you in the best ways it could. And it still tries to do that, even when the threat is no longer there.
This isn’t a sign of dysfunction—it’s a sign of survival intelligence.
How to Gently Support Your Nervous System
If you notice yourself cycling through these states, it’s okay. Regulation isn’t about staying “calm” all the time—it’s about building awareness and offering your body what it needs, moment to moment.
Here are a few trauma-informed tools to explore at your own pace:
Notice Without Judging
“What state am I in right now?” “Am I outside of my window of tolerance?”
Naming the state can create space between you and the experience. You’re not “too much.” You’re responding to something—even if you don’t know what that is yet.Small, Safe Anchors
Grounding through the senses (a warm cup of tea, gentle music, a weighted blanket) can help signal safety. Choose what feels comforting to you—not what “should” work.Connection with Care
Co-regulation (feeling safe with another person) is powerful. But only when it feels right. Therapy, community, or even a favourite pet can offer nervous system support—when you're ready.Respect Your Pace
Healing is not linear. Some days your system might feel open, and others it might need to shut down. Both are okay. The goal isn’t to force change—it’s to meet yourself with gentleness.
You Deserve Safety—in Your Body and in Your Life
If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed by your reactions, please know: there’s nothing wrong with you. Your nervous system might just need support, time, and a safe space to unwind.
We work with individuals navigating trauma, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem challenges—and we can help you understand your nervous system and how to better support it. We’ll go at a pace that feels right for you, always grounded in choice, collaboration, and compassion.
Click here to schedule a free 15-minute consultation
Whether you’re in shutdown, fight-or-flight, or just beginning to explore what safety feels like—we’re here to walk that path with you.